A very special 'Through the Key Hole'

'Hello, Good Evening and Welcome. In this very special edition of Through the Key Hole, we are going to the household of... well lets see if you can guess. Remember, the clues are there. Now lets join Lloyd as we go... Through the Key Hole'.



(You have to read this bit with Lloyd Grossman's voice in your head) 'Thanks David. Upon entering the flat, or as my Canadian Cousins call it 'apartment' one is immediately welcomed by two representatives of Her Majesty's Royal Mounted Police Force. They stand proud observing and greeting every new comer. The owners must indeed be respectful of the law, and like hats'.

'Note too the guitar with its own stand. Clearly a musical theme to the house suggesting that whoever lives here enjoys 'rocking' out to the latest popular tunes. Maybe they even have their own, powerful, 'Bullish' tunes. Hmmmm'.

'Turning from the Mounties we are confronted by the main living space. One is struck almost immediately by the innovative 'kitchen in the living room' design. Obviously the people who live here have busy, metropolitan lifestyles and have moved away from the staid and dull 'food prepared in a separate room' system towards a more free form, and quicker, 'cook food while sitting on the sofa' system. The absence of cupboard doors allow visitors to see immediately the wide arrange of cooking implements and foodstuffs used every day. Its clear that whoever lives here enjoy cooking and are proud of it. Atop the fridge a potato masher lies, lovingly polished it seems after each use. Is mash the signature dish of one of the people who live here? I wonder...'

'The television is given pride of place in this room, suggesting an appreciation of the arts and culture. The culture vultures who live here presumably watch the news and documentary channels while eating the fine meals they have prepared'.

'Such interests and habits no doubt lead them to being extremely popular and I think we can see ample evidence of entertaining; of evening soirees and dinner parties. If we look behind the( top of the range 'lazy-boy' style) sofa...'

'Not only are they natural entertainers but whoever lives here clearly cares for the environment as they hoard the bottles and cans, of presumably a dozen parties, to later be recycled'.

All those parties must prove tiring so lets take a look at where one of the household members goes to retire in the evening.

'There is a definite Swedish influence to the room. The bed frame screams designer, I Kead (kid) yea not (Lloyd would raise an eyebrow at this point). Again, a guitar takes pride of place. Though this one is only an inflatable. Could this be owned by someone who wishes he had an ounce of musical talent and so could actually play an instrument? Or maybe it was part of a costume? perhaps... a bit or both'.

'So what have we seen? Well there's the strong musical influence, the love of food, drink and entertaining, the bare walls with no posters or pictures, the sofa. Who would live in a house like this? David, its over to you'.

(At this point, Paul Ross, Jenny Powell and Vanessa Feltz would spend 5 minutes pretending not to know the answer, making weak puns and silly observations then suddenly from no where one would correctly guess whose house it is. Chances are the audience at home would have no idea who this 'celeb' was when they came out waving. I'm sorry if I've confused non-British readers with this pastiche of a day time UK gameshow... in fact I'm sorry if I confused British readers as well. I thought I'd try and put some photos of the flat as a couple (alright, Lewis) have asked for them, but in a 'funnee' way. I've found this quite hard to write which has made me appreciate all those subtle clues that Lloyd used to drop in the show. He truly was a master...chef. I've done it again, another reference to a day time British TV show. I'm going to stop now).

Hope you enjoyed this mini tour Chez-Bull and Pope. I would finish on a terrible David Frost joke but surprisingly I'm out of bad jokes.

The very elements turn against us

Its snowing now! Right now, right as I write this... with my right hand. Right now. Sadly I don't have my camera with me but take my word for it, Vancouver looks very pretty at the moment. Like a winter wonderland. Course the downside of this is that its very wet and cold and the bus was slipping alarmingly across the roads this morning.

I never thought we'd make it up that hill...

Its all very exciting as Vancouver doesn't get much snow. Usually its a couple of days a year, which of course makes it extremely unusual compared to the rest of Canada. It means that bizarrely they are less prepared than Britain is. They don't even grit the roads!

I'm now keeping my fingers crossed for a white Christmas. I've never seen one damnit! I deserve a white Christmas, I think you'll all agree.

I found out the other day that my job has been extended till Christmas which is good news. It means I will of just paid back the money I owe Andy when the job comes to an end. How... convenient. Hopefully after Christmas I'll be taken on directly by UBC and become a temp with them. I've been told that they guarantee a certain amount of work for their temps, though to be honest since I've been in the 'job market' I reckon I've only been without work 3 days.

Before I go a 'big shout out' to Australian Hannah (and British Hannah as I know she'll only complain if I shout at another girl called Hannah and not her) who read my blog and whose only comment was 'Yeah... it was weird'. Sigh, sometimes I really don't know why I bother. Then I remember the look of joy on Andy's face whenever he reads my latest post, and I know its all been worthwhile.

Fog, fog, fog

Today is the first day in 6 days that it has not been foggy.

6 DAYS!!!

Back home I'm used to about an hour of fog in the morning before its burnt off by the sun (yes, I know that phrase makes not scientific sense but that's what seems to happen). You wake up and go 'Oh, its foggy'. Then usually by the time you leave the house the fog has more or less gone. The last few days though have consisted of getting up in the fog, eating lunch in the fog, going home in the fog then wandering down to the pub. In the fog. Apparently fog this thick and lasting this long is unusual even in Vancouver. Though all Vancouverites I spoke to remarked, as I was thinking, at least its not bloody raining.

Thankfully I haven't got lost though I came close Saturday night. I had gone to the cinema with Jen, the hangers woman, and her flatmate to see the new Harry Potter. The showing was full and with no other plans we decided to try this new alcohol stuff that all the kids are drinking at a 'bar'. I blame Granville Island larger but by half ten I was steaming. We went on to a club and met up with Jen's fella and I impressed all with some dancing (I can't actually remember what music was playing... oh dear). Finally we stopped of at Jen's for one last beer before I made my way home. They did recommend I get a cab but I was insistent 'Its only a 15 minute walk away' I kept saying. I staggered out into the cold foggy night.

Now the big difference between Vancouver and London is the way its built. The streets are on a grid system common to American and newer European cities. You don't realise how much you rely on the shape and size of roads to recognise where you are until that crutch is removed. I was on a residential street that I don't know very well. One block looks pretty much like another, especially in the dark and especially in the fog. I had walked for about 5 minutes when I suddenly realised that I was in an essentially still strange city, pretty drunk and only able to see 10 feet in front of me. This is what pretty poor horror films are made of (last time I felt like I was in a horror film I was meeting Jen for the first time, coincidence? I'll leave the answer to the unconventional-but-damn-it-he-gets-results detective who will investigate my future murder).

After about 10 minutes of walking I started to worry I had missed my street and was doomed to wander Vancouver for eternity, spoken only in hushed tones as an urban myth by future BUNACers. I was starting to sober up which was one good thing. I felt quite disorientated but, in my drunken reasoning, decided if I got really lost I'd just go back to Jen's (which I'm sure sure she and Lowell would of loved, me banging on the door at 3:00am). Another 10 minutes later I found my road to my great relief. I guess my stumbling walk had slowed my progress a bit. I walked into our furnace like apartment and vowed to never wander around the the dark and the fog again. Until the next time I'm drunk and insist I'm fine to walk home of course.

The irony is though that if I had bumped into anyone else on my way home it is I who would of scared them, staggering about, eyes wide open, long brown leather jacket flapping... Actually the jacket was done up, I added that for effect.

Before I sign off I just want to explain how the blog is probably going to work from now on. I only have internet access at lunch times (and pretty poor access at that) so unfortunately posts are going to drop to the level of 2 or 3 a week. Its even harder to get my photos on there so once every couple of weeks I'll add photos to posts. I'll let you know when I do this. Sorry, but I just don't have the opportunity to update this as I did when unemployed and next door to 3 internet cafes. Keep checking though, every day. I have to maintain my count lead over Andy. I'm sure you all understand.

But is it Art?

After the aborted attempted on Tuesday Andy and me finally made it to the Vancouver Art Gallery last Thursday night. The reason why we had to go on Thursday night is two fold. One, it opens late on a Thursday and two, it technically has no entry fee between 5 and 9, though you are expected to donate $5. Usually it costs $10 or something. When you are on as a tight a budget as I am an evening out for just $5 is very tempting. I can also look cultured and cool in front girls! Get in!

We had an enjoyable evening wandering around. Its relatively small. It was built as a court house but almost straight away they realised it was too small for that. The result is you can pretty much see everything properly in about 3 hours. There is a Picasso exhibition currently running which was pretty cool, though there were a few too many doodlings and sketches used to fill out the space rather than full blown works of art for my liking. The gallery also has a number of Emily Carr works here, a well respected female artist from BC who was heavily into trying to define Canada through art. It interesting though to be honest I found it a bit dull. It was mostly just landscapes, interestingly drawn landscapes yes, but still just trees and mountains. Though she was unusual for her time in being interested in First Nation art, which had previously been dismissed as 'primitive'. Sigh, we Europeans were a bunch of idiots back then. And maybe now.

The other two floors were mostly 'modern' art, which was the usual mixture of interesting and silly. The last room we went to housed a collective art project that the museum is doing. Its inviting visitors to leave something written or drawn on a postcard, as well as anything else they might want to add to this room. As Andy and me wandered around the piece a guy came up to us and asked if we would liked to be interviewed as part of the video component of the project. We of course jumped at the chance, it being a relatively interesting thing to write about in our dull blogs (that's all I do know, try and make my life interesting for you passive observers, I'd be happy just sitting and drinking tea but I know the punters wouldn't put up with it).

You could choose from a list of questions what you wanted to be asked. Andy went for 'Tell us the history of an item you have on you', and talked about a receipt form the pub we almost had our leaving do in. That's right, not the actual one, the one we almost went to. It was quite a story. I elected to just tell a story about the girl I met buying hangers (Jen, see 'I have always relied on the kindness of strangers' below). As I sat though Andy shouted 'That's a great story, listen to this' to the guy who had asked us to take part. So he came over, as did a few others interested in this 'great' story. Suddenly, I had an audience.

I wish I could say I rose to the challenge brilliantly but sadly I was just a bit nervous and stilted. I even kept looking at the camera, an amateurish mistake. Looks like that Arts and Entertainment show I've always dreamed of hosting is as far away as ever. Sigh. Still the woman filming it found it funny so fingers crossed it'll be used.

Anyway, Andy and me are now art. Please everyone look impressed.

Only 10 and a half months to go

While on the bus coming home from work the other day it struck me how careful I have to be while here. It would be so easy to fall into a version of the routine I had in Britain. Get up, go to work, come back, maybe pop out for a drink, go to bed. What a terrible waste of time and opportunity that would be. So I got home and wrote out 25 things I want to do here before I go. Its not the definitive list. Some things I'm not sure I actually want to do are on there, and I'm more than willing to add things as well. I'm probably going to put it on here and ask all my fans out there to add stuff they think I should do or what I would enjoy.

Its about time I made completeness a truly 'interactive' experience just like with digital TV. 'If you want to see more press the red button'.

I've already done one thing, the Granville Island Brewery tour. A post will follow soon. A small thing maybe, but it shows I'm getting through that damn list. And it was great fun. Andy and myself did try to go to the Art Gallery yesterday, but it was shut. I had confused Tuesday and Thursday (I was tired, ok!). So we ended up in a bar. But we made the best of a bad situation and met up with Hannah, a girl we had met in the hostel and hadn't seen since then. A good night was had by all, though I did break my '3 pint on a school night' rule. Guess that's why I had a good night.

Thankyou for the days

Look it this sweet picture of Simon, myself, Jason and Lewis back in the glory days of Lytton Road. Judging by how we look I'm guessing we we're about 12 when this was taken.


Just look at Jason's hair! And Lewis is even wearing his quintessential Lewis T-shirt - the Laxton's Superb one. Have you still got that T-Shirt Lew?

Ben Lee

One of things that struck me when I arrived in Vancouver was the sheer number of bars with live music. There are easily more music venues than clubs here. Even clubs will often have a band playing music rather than a DJ. 'Fantastic' I thought 'I'm going to get to see loads of live music while I'm here'.

6 weeks later I finally got round to seeing my first gig. I'm sorry, I was busy doing... other stuff. No, I can't remember what. Maybe I should read this blog thing.

Anyway, on Friday Paul Smith and myself headed down to the hip and happening joint that is 'Richards on Richards' on Richards Street (can you see what they did there?) and saw a 3 different groups. The support, while technically good, were not really my cup of tea, with a very stripped down sound. I'm one of those old fashioned types who tends to need a drum in the background for 'a good beat'. Yes I'm trying to be funny, though there's a bit of truth there.

The headliner though was, and I use this word far more sparingly than our Canadian cousins, awesome. An Australian guy called Ben Lee. Yes, he had a drum. I had never heard of him before but it seemed he has a pretty loyal fanbase and had been around for a while. My treat from next weeks pay packet will be one of his CDs.

Pulled this from the Internet as I sadly took no photos on the night.

Paul enjoyed the gig as well and we bumped into a couple of people I knew from the hostel, Swiss David and Australian Jade (their full names). It was cool to see them as well though they did introduce me to an Austrian woman who I insulted accidentally when I spoke to her. It was her fault though. The first thing she asked me was 'Where do you think I'm from?' She had a Germanic accent and so I guessed Germany 'NO!' She screamed, 'I'M AUSTRIAN NOT GERMAN'. Now if I was an Austrian who didn't like being mistaken for a German I wouldn't ask a Brit in a noisy bar to guess my accent. I wouldn't mind but she thought I was Australian and I hadn't even raised an eyebrow. Maybe I should track her down and scream 'NO! I'M FROM EAST LONDON NOT AUSTRALIA THOUGH THE ACCENTS ARE SIMILAR IN SOME WAYS SO I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW YOU COULD MAKE THAT MISTAKE'.

Anyway, I was glad that I had finally gone to a gig. Especially as I had wasted the day not going to the Museum of Anthropology at UBC like I had planned and instead had watched Spice World the Movie on cable. I must say though it was quite interesting watching it now in 2005 so long after the craze.

You will be flared like us...

The BBC website has a picture of the newly designed Cybermen from the next series of Doctor Who. Is it me or do they seem to be wearing flared robot trousers?

Maybe its actually me who has been cybertised in this picture. A terrifying glimps of my own future?

Probably not.

Yessss

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/tv_and_radio/4426416.stm

Shunnuck, you're playing catch -up

Right, finally caught up with my posts. Just this small one to fill you in on this weeks events...
- Andy and me put our beds up. It took us 5 hours but we managed it with minimal swearing. A Scots man helped out towards the end.
- I've been centless, so have spent a lot of time pottering around the house, tidying and finding places for things to go.
- Andy's been on a hot date with an American. He said he enjoyed himself and it went well.

Tomorrow is Remembrance Day which is a bank holiday in BC. So I've got the day off. I'm going to do something cultural as I'm in the mood. In other news we get cable tonight. Yay!

That is all.

I have always relied on the kindness of strangers

I've almost caught up from the back log of posts I've wanted to make here over the last week. Now I know where to get free internet at work and have given up on finding a good internet cafe in Kits posts should become that much more regular from now on. Thankfully last week was pretty uneventful after Tuesday. On Tuesday though... well I had a slightly strange but nice Canadian experience.

After work I was returning home via the thrift store and the 'Kitchen Corner' to get some hangers. I don't know if I have a lot of clothes or Andy has some secret hanger fetish but for two days I spent most of my time just buying more clothes hangers, never seeming to have enough.

The thrift store sadly had no furniture worth having (though just a week later got the best sofa in world, see the moving in post). So I made my way to 'Kitchen Corner'. I pick up another 20 hangers presuming this would be more than enough (yet I'm still 2 short, how can this be? Have I been cursed by some low grade gyspy who hates me and hangers? Answers on a postcard please... or just leave a comment, that would probably be simpler) and left the store. Outside the woman who had been served before me turned round and said 'You know, you can get 20 hangers for a dollar in the Laundromat'. I thanked her for this info, but replied that I doubt I would need more than the 20 I had just bought (my arrogance, I now know to never presume I have enough hangers).

She started to walk on ahead and it suddenly struck me that this kind Canadian may know where the nearest internet cafe is. After all she knew exactly where to buy cheap hangers, what other information might she hold in her Canadian brain. So I caught up with her and asked. She couldn't think of any nearby cafes at all. She said that Kits was a bit snobby when it came to that sort of thing, and people had their own access. Seems I've moved into the Vancouver equivalent of Hammersmith or something.

Anyway she noticed my accent and we got chatting. She introduced herself, Jen. Turned out that she had lived in the UK for a bit a few years ago and we talked about what it was like settling into a new country. She then said 'Well, if you need to use the internet you can come back to my place'.

Now, I've lived all my life in a big city. I think that the reputation of Londoners as rude and unfriendly is overstated but it would be true to say back home I would never dream of inviting a complete stranger into my house to use my computer. That would be mental and would almost certainly get me arrested. For this reason I just assumed she was being polite and I should give the appropriate polite response 'that's very good of you, but there's no need, thanks'. Jen then pointed out that as a newcomer to Vancouver and Canada I should make the effort to meet new people. Suddenly it became impolite to turn her offer down so, hangers under arm and went with her.

It wasn't until we reached her apartment I suddenly thought that I could be entering a potentially dangerous situation. She took me in the back way which was through a carpark and then through a graffiti covered door. If this was a film I would of been butchered before you could say 'Halloween 7 - Kanada Killer'. I decided that if the apartment was covered in tele-photo lense pictures of me then I would only check my emails, not send any. That's sensible.

To my relief the apartment was perfectly normal and pleasant. Actually, compared to Andy and mine's humble abode it was a palace, with stunning views of North Vancouver and the sea. I got onto the computer and started to 'surf' as they used to say back in the 90s.

She then offered me a glass of wine. Thankfully it wasn't poisoned or drugged (though remember kids, alcohol is a poison and a drug by itself). Once I finished 'surfing' (remember Britpop? Ah those were the days) we had a few more glasses and a nice chat. About 7 Andy called wondering where I was. Dinner wasn't getting cold as luckily it was my turn to cook. I think Andy was hungry. I knew Jen was meeting her boyfriend a bit later so I said I would be home soon and, yes, I'll cook dinner when I get in. After I got off the phone Jen suggested that we all go to the pub across the road for a pint or two. So I called Andy back, and arranged to meet him.

We had a great night made even greater at how unexpected it all was. We met Jen's boyfriend who was very cool and found Andy and my accents fundamentally amusing. Things get a bit hazey towards the end. I remember drinking a few pitchers, heading back to Jen's house to pick up my hangers (I had left them there when going to the pub, it did cross my mind that the entire evening may of been a ruse by Jen to steal my hangers. If it was, it failed, HAH!). I was reminded by Andy the next day that we did a rendition of the Lambeth Walk for Lowell (Jen's boyfriend), I think he may of even recorded it on his digital camera. Oh dear.

The moral of this story is obvious. Strangers are fine and kids should always definitely go with them. They may even get to drink half a bottle of wine and check their emails.

Thanks Jen for a great introduction to the legend of the 'friendly Canadian'.

What's scarier, The Ghost of Buddy Holly or a Green Crayon?

Despite a lack of money and feeling extremely tired I was determined to do something on Halloween. I mean, its going to be my only one while in Canada and we all know how seriously the Canadians and Americans take it. Damn it, its my moral duty to dress up!

So I did.

Not long after we arrived here Andy, a few others and myself wandered around some of the vintage clothing stores on Granville essentially playing dress up with bizarre coats and hats. All good fun but while mucking about I chanced on this fantastic 50s style jacket. It even fitted me perfectly. 'How can I justify buying this while I haven't got a job and my money is rapidly running out?' I thought. Well Halloween came along and provided the answer. At first I was going to go as a young Elvis Presley. In fact about 8 of us were going to go as Elvis, though we never got around to organising it. Then when I went back to the shop to look at the jacket I tried on some glasses and...Buddy Holly was back from the dead ladies and Gentlemen, and unlike most deadites he didn't want to eat brains, just entertain everyone!

On the Saturday before Halloween (the day before we moved in to our place) Andy and myself returned from Ikea and the 'Metromall' with no idea what was going on that night and if in fact we were going to do anything at all. Andy didn't even have a costume. Then we got word of a party. It wasn't starting until 10:00pm, we weren't sure where exactly it was but we could all go. So we all rushed out to buy our costumes. Gavin went as Hunter S. Thompson, Andy Keen as a zombie which had been turned by a zombie dog (he was most insistent on this point), Simon as a, ahem, 'English Footballer' and Andy Bull as a Green Crayon. That's right, a Green Crayon.

Went then went to the Fountain Head, the Gay pub near the hostel and waited for the instructions to get to the party.

And waited. And waited. And waited.

Once it got to midnight and we discovered that the party was on the otherside of Vancouver and we still weren't sure of the exact address we decided to give up. So I spent Halloween dressed as Buddy Holly playing pool with a green crayon in a gay pub. Fantastic..

I look so much like my Dad here its spooky.

After that minor disaster (though I did enjoy myself) we decided to go out on Halloween itself to get full value for money from our costumes. Andy we had a great night, met up with a load of other BUNACers and got dangerously drunk for a school night. I also perfected my costume with a thin 50s tie. Yay!

The spirit of England, 'The Cockney Crayon', Buddy and Hunter, at home relaxing.

The ravishing Chris being arrested by Debs.

The Green Giant

Paul's costume was certainly the most frightening.

Alan's on target...

Lots of people dressed up.

Behind bars where he belongs.

Andy's just reminded me that on Monday night two girls came up to us and said 'Your the Green Crayon and Buddy Holly! We heard about you two on Saturday night!' Fame at last, and the good kind of fame that gets girls to come over and talk to you. Check out Gavin's blog for more pics.

Our fla... Apartment

First things first. I'm not dead. Jen didn't kill me instead she let me surf the web. Then Andy, her fella, me and her went for a pint in the English theme pub across the road from where she lives. The gap between posts is due to the fact that there aren't really any internet cafes near us at all. Except one which charged $5 for half an hour, as opposed to a loonie for 40 mins on Davie. In fact I'm now in the Davie one now. Looks like I'm going to have to add posts at work when I can, and update with photos once a week. Hope you, my loyal fans, can cope with this. I know its the photos you really all look forward to.

Anyway, more on Jen and that bizarre story on another post. For in this one I wish to share with you our joy upon finally moving into our apartment.

Oh sweet Lord its good to be out of the hostel. And thankfully our memories didn't lie and our place is really nice. 'Cosy' yes, but nice. Its also warm which is a big plus point now that winter is making its slow appearance here in Vancouver. I know it won't be as bad as Toronto, but I reckon it'll be worse than London.

So yeah, our place. After viewing it with Barbara our Landlady on Friday night we agreed to move in on Sunday. This would give her a chance to finish off a couple of small repairs and allow us a chance to enjoy hostel life for two more nights. As a treat the hostel decided to have a major water leak on Saturday morning, meaning the showers and toilets didn't work and there was water in the corridors. Thanks hostel!

Nah, it was alright. We managed to survive 4 weeks living there so it can't be that bad can it. A moments silence please for the hostel...

Saturday we hit various shops before inevitably finding ourselves in Ikea. Ahhh, Ikea. I know I shouldn't like it, but it is so cheap and welcoming. We bought a few bits in and bobs there.

I'm not totally sure why Andy put the bag on his head. It had been a long day.

We also got some inflatable beds from one of the best shops I've been to in Canada called 'Canadian Tyre'. Not sure what it is about the store, its like the shop B&Q could of been. The beds were only $20 and meant we could actually sleep at night. Other than that though the only furniture we had was Andy's guitar. It was...sparse in there to begin with.

Since then with got a TV, a 'lazyee boy' style sofa from the Thrift store (delivered by a mad Mexican whose lap I more or less had to sit on as all 3 of us were in the cab of his truck -he spent the entire journey saying to Andy 'Amigo, you should become a pilot, it cost 25 euros for a lesson!') a set of speakers for my ipod, toaster, kettle and iron. I now owe Andy somewhere in the region of half a million dollars. I should have paid him off by October the 3rd 2006. The day we come home.

First things first, get beer, put in fridge.

Still, its really starting to feel like a home now and already the hostel seems like ages ago. So if you're ever Kitsilano way in Vancouver, drop in for a cup of tea or a cocktail. Or if you are one of my friends from Britain reading this, a free holiday.

Last mini update, promise

Hello! Or as they say in Canada, 'Hello'. Just a little message to confirm I'm still alive and kicking. Just have been extremely busy moving and working and spending Andy's money as I've run out. Full report tomorrow. Or maybe Wednesday.

I'm writing this in a kind Canadian's house. I asked where the nearest internet place was and she said that it was miles so just to come back to her's! Thank you Jen. I hope your not a murderess.

Really, I do.